It was St. Patrick's Day, 1990, and the Weaverville, Calif., bar was rockin' all around me. I'd just arrived from Oregon, in my trusty Mazda truck, checked into a hotel and beat feet for a bit of music and dancing.
So there I sat at The Sawmill's bar, conversing with a really unattractive guy. I was drinking beer, and I wasn't holding back, either.
I have to give myself a lot of credit, though. At a certain, crucial point in my imbibing, I actually said to myself: "If I don't get away from this guy now, he's going to start to look good."
I most definitely did not want him to start to look good. So I slipped off the stool, and with a tip o' the hat, sashayed into the crowd and started a conga line.
Sadly, this was the first time I'd ever consciously recognized that certain, crucial point in time to avoid certain embarrassing experiences. More on those never!
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
The Dentist
I had to make an emergency visit to the dentist today. His office is actually closed on Fridays, but he happened to be there when he got my message, so he invited me to come in.
First, let me say two things: One, my dentist is an artiste. He loves his work and is exceptionally good at it. Exceptionally. Did I say he's exceptional? Second, there is nothing I would rather not read about than someone's dental trials. One's teeth and their problems are endlessly fascinating to the person who's suffering, but no one else wants to hear about it.
The good news is, I'm not going to explain what my problem was! Suffice it to say, it was not overly painful and, as Dr. Seekins said, "Not fatal. At least to the tooth."
Ronnie Seekins is 3 years older than me and was in my mother's 6th grade class when she taught in Cumberland, Maine, many years ago. I used to correct his papers, as I rarely fail to remind him.
He makes me laugh, but what's even better, as far as I'm concerned, is he has this effect of kind of unleashing my sense of humor. Which is a drawback in a way, because I think of so many funny ideas while my mouth is propped open with, usually, two dentist hands in it. So I have to save up my best lines for when I get back in control of my speaking apparatus. Otherwise, I end up either biting Ron or saying something like, "Auw ghaaa aah igga oo."
Just a little example. While I was in the chair, there was a plumber in the basement working on the pipes. We heard some screeches, and Ron explained that the plumber was twisting some pipes. Then we heard a saw, which Ron explained was the plumber using a saw. (You can see why this guy cracks me up!)
At one point in my treatment, the doc says, "I'm glad you came in today," referring, of course, to the state of my tooth.
What comes into my mind? A great retort that I can't say: "Yeah, now you can pay the plumber."
I filed that one away, waiting for an opportunity to use it.
That moment arrived fairly quickly. As I was leaving, we were discussing paying and when to pay and how to pay, seeing as there were no clerical workers around. I finally said, "How 'bout I just give a check to the plumber?"
That's the kind of fun I have all day long. Don't you wish you were me?
First, let me say two things: One, my dentist is an artiste. He loves his work and is exceptionally good at it. Exceptionally. Did I say he's exceptional? Second, there is nothing I would rather not read about than someone's dental trials. One's teeth and their problems are endlessly fascinating to the person who's suffering, but no one else wants to hear about it.
The good news is, I'm not going to explain what my problem was! Suffice it to say, it was not overly painful and, as Dr. Seekins said, "Not fatal. At least to the tooth."
Ronnie Seekins is 3 years older than me and was in my mother's 6th grade class when she taught in Cumberland, Maine, many years ago. I used to correct his papers, as I rarely fail to remind him.
He makes me laugh, but what's even better, as far as I'm concerned, is he has this effect of kind of unleashing my sense of humor. Which is a drawback in a way, because I think of so many funny ideas while my mouth is propped open with, usually, two dentist hands in it. So I have to save up my best lines for when I get back in control of my speaking apparatus. Otherwise, I end up either biting Ron or saying something like, "Auw ghaaa aah igga oo."
Just a little example. While I was in the chair, there was a plumber in the basement working on the pipes. We heard some screeches, and Ron explained that the plumber was twisting some pipes. Then we heard a saw, which Ron explained was the plumber using a saw. (You can see why this guy cracks me up!)
At one point in my treatment, the doc says, "I'm glad you came in today," referring, of course, to the state of my tooth.
What comes into my mind? A great retort that I can't say: "Yeah, now you can pay the plumber."
I filed that one away, waiting for an opportunity to use it.
That moment arrived fairly quickly. As I was leaving, we were discussing paying and when to pay and how to pay, seeing as there were no clerical workers around. I finally said, "How 'bout I just give a check to the plumber?"
That's the kind of fun I have all day long. Don't you wish you were me?
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